How I figured out my mood swings and saved my relationship (with self-care tips)
Ouch! my lower back won’t stop hurting. Woke up feeling sore and fatigue from doing nothing. Turned the room upside down looking for the unknown. And the anger in me? Grr! I simply can’t figure out who or what got me so pissed from my sleep, I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Damn! The gas had to finish this morning, where am I supposed to get the cash to fill it up? OMG! These kids are at my window trying to blow my brain out with their noises. Why does everything have to go wrong with me this morning? Why does my phone keep on vibrating? Who the hell is calling me at this odd hour?
Why am I super nervous? Why does my daily life seem so tedious? Why does it seem like everything and everyone hate me? And to cap it all, I am broke AF! Phew! Life is so tiring!
Yeah, this is me on some days in every month of the year. It gets tiring. Like! why should the noise of some innocent children rile me up that much? Why am I so pissed with my phone call? Why do I feel depressed? Why can’t this headache leave my head alone? Why? Why? These are questions I kept on asking myself for some years (teenage to my twenties).
I never had a lot of friends, but I lost few ones along the way (we all do, right?). And for the close ones who stayed, I felt I was burdening them with my extreme emotions so I slowly detached from them and I thought they must have seen me as untrustworthy and secretive.
Like we all say, family is everything. A family relationship has more depth than friendship and we expect that family should always be there to support us and walk us through difficult paths. But with a mood I don’t understand, I got my family anxious and had my mother’s share of anger and impatience. Then I realized no one can help me if I don’t first understand and help myself.
I have a great relationship, a loving and understanding partner. But every relationship has got its back and forth, and with my extreme mood in the picture, I almost ruined my relationship. I developed a coping mechanism and blamed him for everything, I picked up a fight at every instance and it was like walking on eggshells for him, nothing he did ever seem right. I was irritated and angry with everything that used to be pleasing to me. I was selfish and didn’t know I was killing his self-esteem, making him blame himself for my bad attitude.
Month after month, it got worst and then I realized I needed an answer to these unexplainable emotions. I knew it has a name; “mood swings,” but there has got to be causes and treatments for it. I did my research and discovered some causes which include;
- Mental health condition
- Personality disorders
- Drug addiction
- Physical health problems, and
- Biological factors (premenstrual syndrome (PMS), pregnancy and menopause).
I knew I was healthy and I don’t do drugs. No, I wasn’t pregnant, and whoever experience menopause in her twenties? I took it upon myself to better understand my body and discover the time of the month that comes this feeling. After few months of studying, I realized it has been my hormones at work, I have been suffering from Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). So what does this 4 syllable words mean?
What does Premenstrual Syndrome mean?
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is used to describe behavioural, emotional and physical changes that many women get in a week or two before their menstrual period. According to the Office of Women’s Health, over 90% of females report experiencing some PMS symptoms in days before their period.
Cause
The exact cause of PMS is not known. However, natural fluctuation in hormone levels, especially oestrogen and progesterone, in the week or two before menstruation are likely responsible for the symptoms .
Symptoms
I don’t know about every other lady. We’ve similar anatomy and yet our diversity is astounding, allow me to share my symptoms with you;
- Fatigue
- Irritability
- Mood swings
- Crying spells
- Tender or swollen breast
- Bad appetite (strange food cravings)
- Terrible headache
- Bloating
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Lower backache
- Social withdrawal, etc.
SELF-CARE TREATMENT
This worked for me, it can work for you too!
Spend time alone to process
When your mood begins to change, spend some time alone. Take a moment to breathe deeply and focus. Focus on you, on every little thing about you, as simple as the sound of your breathing. Focus on the present, on the beauty of the blue sky. Focus on the green, smell the flowers, stare at the golden rustling leaves. Focus on the sound of waves around you, free yourself and let your mind process it all.
Get your mind to engage
Sometimes, all you need is to read a book, watch a movie (I recommend comedy), listen to good music or start that course you’ve been meaning to take.
*If there is a special thing you love doing, then go for it!
Assess all aspects of your lifestyle and see where you can improve
Get more sleep; you must get at least 8 hours of sleep to better refresh your mind and body. Although PMS comes with some sort of cravings, you should look into your diet and try to eat a balanced diet while drinking at least 2L of water per day. Also, engage in regular physical exercises that aren’t too difficult.
Connect with family and friends
Don’t just sit at home all day wallowing in self-pity and sadness, reach out to people you love and talk. It can be difficult, but no one understands a silent person. Sometimes, all you need is a walk in a park with your partner, a family member or a friend. Be sure to let them know how you feel and if you would like to be quiet.
*Stay off social media if you have to, but if being on the platform works for you, then spend your time there.
Practise stress management
Taking deep breaths and meditating can help deal with the emotional part of PMS. A stress management technique that worked for me is yoga and stretching, you should try it out.
How to help people manage mood swings
* Talk to them: Have a conversation with them, make them understand how their mood affects you, show them you are there to listen and help. But don’t push too hard.
* Remain understanding: This might be difficult, especially when they keep nagging and pushing you away, but try to understand their situation, they need someone no matter their denial.
* Don’t take it personally: When your partner takes out their anger on you, remember it is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you.
* Study their triggers: Learn the specific things that trigger their moodiness, pick up on these things and avoid creating extra tension.
* Be patient, control your emotions: Controlling your anger can be difficult when your partner continues putting their negativity on you, but getting angry with them can worsen it all.
If your partner fails to listen to you or refuse to take a step towards addressing the effects their mood swings have on the relationship, then maybe it’s time to take a walk away from the relationship.
When to see a doctor
Remember, there are other causes of mood swings. You have to see a doctor when it becomes too much to handle. It can gets intense and when the sufferer starts isolating herself, breaking relationship with her loved ones, engaging in risky behaviours, self harm or attempting suicide, then it is time to see a doctor.
